mariic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11 days and counting... Sometimes I have a really hard time dealing with my feelings. I have been very happy lately, but I am scared it will get fucked up if I let myself show it. I have also been really worried for a few days, and have shown that by being grumpzilla. I do not want to need someone. It is okay to want them, and enjoy their company. But this whole needing thing sucks. Daydreams of sparkly things, pretty white dresses, shared houses, someone to come home to and happy ever after. I am afraid to think of these things, or admit that I want them, that I will somehow jinx myself. Work has been going very well. They have just kind of given me the building, and asked me to go with it. It is very nice to not be micromanaged. I enjoy having the office all to myself. Elbow room. I signed up for a 401k today. I am proud of myself. Look ma – I’m thinking of my future. My 30th birthday is next weekend. Thanks to Heather I decided to go through with the party, and I am so glad I did. It should be a lot of fun. It makes me feel really good that people want to celebrate the day with me. 5:42 p.m. - 2003-10-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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